#013 : DOUBT / FAITH
Image - Open Mind Series, 2016 (Johnson Tsang)
Soundtrack - She’s Mine, pt 2, J. Cole
PROGRESS REPORT: (29 SEPTEMBER — 22ND DECEMBER 2016)
– Curatorial Debut: ‘Tangible Memories’ Photography by Alan Howden(NuDawn London)
– Keynote Speaker: Ultiverse, East Street Arts, Leeds (Akeelah Bertram)
– Speaker: The Black Maker, Birmingham OpenMedialab (AfrofuturesUK)
– Gallery Commission: ‘Futura Free: A Sensing…’, 198 Contemporary Arts & Learning (Agency for Agency)
– Founding: ‘Unmaterialised’ (Non-profit organisation)
– Founding: ‘The Adversary’ (Company)
– Featured Columnist: ‘Emerging Journal’ (Shades of Noir)
– Fellowship: Royal Society for Arts & Commerce
– Commission: ‘The Adversary’ by Chatham House, (Royal Institute of International Affairs)
– Scenario: ‘Testamants’, 198 Contemporary Arts & Learning, (Agency for Agency, Possible Futures, Arts Council)
– PGCert: Application acceptance
– Business Partnership: TBA
– Museum Commission: TBA
– Scenario: TBA
I’m reminded “…for Christopher to stop producing, is for Christopher to perish.” — Akeelah Bertram
Perhaps this is the holiday hiatus taking its toll, or the realisation that these prophetic words have rung true. There is an overcast of dissatisfaction, despite at the most conservative perception of what has been achieved so far, I continue to find myself yoyoing between two states of mind:
| 1. A feeling of uncertainty or a lack of conviction
Doubt is undoubtedly parasitic, there is not a better way to put it, opportunistically feeding on insecurity and ignorance in all its innocence.
| 1. complete trust or confidence in something or someone
In many instances, the antithesis of doubt is regarded as Faith. The same rationality applies, where does your faith lie, in what you create or in yourself?
CL-Q: What’s there to doubt?
Q-LC: Who is this relevant to? What resources do you have? Why should someone pay to see or partake in what you create? Who would even care if it all stopped right now?
Maybe doubt is healthy, forcing a consideration of others. An accusation against many designers, known to create at their audience rather than with them. From many creatives and entrepreneurs, their source of doubt amounts to one of the following; lack of knowledge, lack of resources (to manifest their idealised vision), lack of confidence and the paralysing fear of failure. I raise my hands up in full admittance to the latter, despite all words of positivity spoken, all on deaf ears under the suspicion of obligatory favour.
Anonymous: I’ve never met anyone more self-flagellating than you.
CL-Q: I can’t afford to be complacent, consider what I’m faced with…
The mockery from colleagues expressing my naivety in an attempt to make a financial income through a creative practice, supported by the remnant Thatcher ethos that creativity is a luxury or of less significance to society. I ask, what are my chances? particularly when we are ushered into the generation of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering & Mathematics) constructed around the disillusioned expectation that every answer has a mathematical conclusion.
Q-LC: So, tell me where is the value in what I do? Why is it not a luxury, therefore exclusionary?
CL-Q: How did it get this far if it had no value? Have some self-confidence!
Who said self-confidence is mandatory to the manifestation and success of your ideas? For anything built to withstand the loss of its driving force but also expand its reach, the ethos of the business must be less fallible than its founder. i.e Alexander McQueen, Steve Jobs, Zaha Hadid.
There are only two perspectives in any business decision process facing doubt, faith and longevity. Either ‘It’ (the agenda / product / service) or ‘Me’ (Ability / Knowledge). The latter harbours the fear, coupled with over analysis, is what has me as well as others hesitant to make a step forward to pursue or utilise their skills for their own benefit.
The business/s is no longer a theory, success is no longer a theory, emerging is no longer a theory, validity to the audience is no longer a theory.
Lesson Learned: Theory was never intended to be learnt theoretically.
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